


Didn't Fit Among the Pretty Things

by small_town_girl



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Brotherhood, Family, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-15
Updated: 2011-09-15
Packaged: 2017-10-23 18:22:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/253459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/small_town_girl/pseuds/small_town_girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The last thing Kurt expected when his dad touched Finn's shoulder, was his stepbrother to break down in tears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Didn't Fit Among the Pretty Things

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a prompt on the Glee Angst Meme: Kurt's watching Finn sleep now but an hour ago he was watching his giant stepbrother break down from just a simple touch.

A year ago Kurt would have given anything to be watching Finn sleep, to be in his crush’s room, sitting on his bed even, with Finn curled up next to him with a peaceful look on his face. He would have thought that he was dreaming because no way would very straight Finn Hudson allow him in his bed. But he was in Finn’s bed, it wasn’t a dream, and he would give anything not to be in his stepbrother’s bed.

“He sleeping?” his dad asked from the doorway.

“Yes,” he replied.

“Carole’s on her way home,” his dad said as he came into the room. He placed a hand on Kurt’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “She’s too upset to drive so a friend is driving her home.”

Kurt nodded, knowing Carole was probably blaming herself for not being there even though she had no way of knowing Finn would have a breakdown while she was visiting friends in Columbus. He thought his dad was overly protective but he had nothing on Carole, especially when Finn was hurt. He wasn’t sure how Finn had convinced his mom to sign him up for football considering how she spent most of his games holding her breath when the opposing team got near her son.

“How are you doing Kid?” his dad still had a hand on Kurt’s shoulder.

“I’m fine,” Kurt assured him. He didn’t have to add that Finn wasn’t fine. They’d both been there to see Finn’s breakdown.

Finn’s head was pillowed on his lap and Kurt was mindlessly running his fingers through his hair, though it was more to comfort himself than Finn. It made him feel like he was doing something, something to make up for not noticing how desperately Finn was trying to get someone’s attention. He’d been so busy with Blaine, or with writing his play, or helping Rachel rehearse for her myspace videos, that it had been weeks since he’d gone to Finn’s room with warm milk. Last week Finn had attempted to make some warm milk himself and had ended up burning his hand and ruining a pot. All he’d received for his efforts was a bandage and two scoldings, one from Carole and one from Kurt.

It wasn’t until he and his dad had gotten Finn settled in his bed that Kurt realized that lecture was the most he’d talked to Finn all summer. He’d meant to, he’d think about going to Finn’s room to talk but then Blaine would call and he’d forget, or Finn would have a friend over, or there would be some other reason to skip their usual nightly talk. It was summer and people got busy, sometimes Kurt was busy and sometimes Finn was busy, so it never seemed like a big deal to skip their talks. There would be time to catch up later.

Kurt had figured if Finn really needed to talk to him about something, his stepbrother would tell him. That was what happened all the times before when Finn needed to talk about something and Kurt had always made the time to listen. So he didn’t understand what was so different this time, what Finn couldn’t tell him so his stepbrother had tried other ways to get him to notice. It was so clear now that Kurt was looking back at some of Finn’s actions over the past few weeks.

Finn watching a marathon of Kurt’s favourite musicals really should have been a huge clue but Kurt had just figured Rachel had told Finn to watch the movies. He’d been about to join Finn when his phone beeped and since it was Blaine, he’d gone up to his room to talk to his boyfriend. Finn offering to go shopping with him, Mercedes, and Tina should have also been a clue but the new video game Finn had been wanting had just come out and Kurt figured that was why Finn wanted to go with them.

“I’ll be downstairs if you need me,” his dad told him. “I want to finish cleaning the mess before Carole gets home. She doesn’t need to see that.”

Kurt winced as he thought about the chocolate milk Finn had spilled over the living room currently still soaking through the carpet. It had been an accident, really more his fault than Finn’s, but his stepbrother had immediately gone into a stream of panicked apologies and even his dad reassuring Finn couldn’t stop him. It wasn’t until his dad had laid a hand on Finn’s shoulder that the apologies stopped, but all that had happened was Finn started to cry. And he kept crying, big gasping sobs until Kurt was worried he was going to make himself sick.

It was just a simple touch, meant to be a comforting gesture, but for some reason it had caused Finn to completely fall apart. Kurt had seen Finn cry before, but nothing like that and never without some warning or reason. Kurt knew there had to be a reason this time too but by the time they’d gotten Finn calmed down, his stepbrother was in no condition for a heart-to-heart. It would have to wait. Maybe he’d be more willing to talk to Carole when she got home.

The waiting didn’t help keep Kurt from imagining all the possible things that could have caused Finn to react the way he had, and he didn’t like any of the situations. His imagination could be extremely active and he always seemed to think the worst. One time he’d accidentally bumped into Finn’s arm and his stepbrother had winced and pulled away. Kurt’s mind flew back to the basement incident even though he logically knew Finn was fine with him now. It turned out Finn just had a sunburn and him brushing against it had hurt. It was just, expecting the worst left less room to get hurt because he was already expecting the worst to happen.

Finn kept sleeping, completely unaware of the thoughts racing through Kurt’s head. It was obvious that something was seriously wrong with Finn; there would be no lying or pretending he was fine. Kurt would be able to tell if Finn lied, he was the expert on hiding pain.

It was almost two hours later before Carole got home, startling Kurt as she burst into the room. Finn slept through the noise but woke the second his mom gently touched his forehead. Sometimes Kurt really didn’t understand that boy.

“Mom,” Finn’s voice was rough from his earlier crying and he buried his head against Carole’s shoulder.

“Hey Baby,” Carole said so softly Kurt almost didn’t hear her. He felt awkward, like he was intruding on such a private moment, but when he tried to slip off the bed, Finn grabbed his arm. Finn’s eyes were begging him to stay so Kurt stayed.

“I’m sorry Mom,” Finn murmured without pulling away from Carole. Kurt couldn’t think of anything Finn had done wrong, unless his stepbrother meant spilling his chocolate milk. And the rug wasn’t nice enough to warrant a breakdown. “I tried, I really tried. Do we have to move?”

Move? Kurt wanted to demand answers but he could tell now wasn’t the time.

*****

An hour later found all four members of the Hudson-Hummel family in Finn’s bedroom, with Kurt, Finn, and Carole still on Finn’s bed and his dad sitting in Finn’s desk chair. Carole had tried to get Finn to talk to her but he wouldn’t, or maybe he couldn’t, say a word. He just stayed curled up in Carole’s arms with his face buried against her shoulder and a firm grip on Kurt’s hand.

Kurt wanted answers. He wanted to know what or who had caused his brother to completely break down. Not even Carole knew what Finn meant by having to move and she was fluent in Finn-speak. Finally Carole called for Burt and updated him.

“Sweetie, we’re not moving,” Carole told him. “Why would you think that?”

Finn didn’t say anything but he did lift his head away from Carole’s shoulders. Kurt noticed immediately that Finn wouldn’t look at his dad. Nothing had happened between them that Kurt was aware of, and he’d been in the house all morning. Finn had seemed fine the night before, maybe a little quieter than normal but he was talking and laughing during dinner and promising Carole that he’d behave while she was gone.

“The rug,” Finn said so softly Kurt almost didn’t catch it. He wondered if his dad had managed to get the chocolate milk cleaned up before it stained too badly. But even if it did stain, it was just a carpet. It was no reason for Finn to think he and Carole would have to move out of their house. “I ruined it. I’m sorry.”

“Never liked that rug anyway,” his dad said. Kurt knew his dad didn’t really have an opinion but Kurt had thought the carpet went nicely with their furniture. “And it might not be ruined. I can ask one of the guys from the shop to take a look at it tomorrow.”

“You…you guys aren’t breaking up?” Finn sounded so surprised and hopeful that Kurt wondered what was going through his stepbrother’s head. “We don’t have to move?”

“Oh Honey, no,” Carole, at least, seemed to understand what Finn was trying to tell them. Kurt watched as she cupped Finn’s face, feeling like he and his dad were outsiders in the conversation. “It’s never been your fault. Those men were jerks and we deserve so much better. Burt isn’t like them, he’s one of those good guys we can trust. He’s not going to walk out on us, not Burt.”

Kurt felt so proud at the faith Carole had in his father. He always knew his father was one of the good guys but it was nice to see other people recognize it too. He didn’t think his dad got enough credit.

“Never good enough,” Finn muttered. To Kurt, it sounded like he was repeating something he’d heard too many times and he wanted to know who told his stepbrother he wasn’t good enough.

“Finn, Honey, we’ve talked about this,” Carole was saying but Kurt wasn’t sure if her words were getting through to Finn.

“You’re my mom,” Kurt almost laughed at Finn’s tone. “You’re not allowed to walk away from me. People would call you a bad mother and you’re not.”

Kurt would have thought Finn had forgotten he and his dad were in the room but Finn still had a tight grip on his hand. Maybe his stepbrother thought he was holding Carole’s hand. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t have been so willing to talk about something that caused him to breakdown if Finn and Carole were in the room.

“You’re not replaceable,” Carole said firmly and Kurt had the feeling it wasn’t the first time she’d had to tell that to her son.

“Then why does everyone keep trying to find someone better?” Kurt didn’t have to see Finn to know his stepbrother was heartbroken; he could hear it in Finn’s voice.

It was something Kurt could understand all too well. He’d gone through his own insecurities with his dad’s relationship with Finn and even now, sometimes he’d feel left out or a bad son when he couldn’t understand his dad’s sports talk, or he’d feel too different when Rachel won yet another solo performance. It wasn’t something he ever expected Finn to have to deal with, popular, lead male vocalist, star quarterback Finn Hudson, but apparently Finn struggled too.

“Finn, it’s not your fault those men broke up with me,” Carole said. Kurt noticed she was stroking Finn’s hair; she did that when she wanted to make sure Finn felt safe and loved. She’d done it a lot when Finn was sick with mono. “They were looking for a reason to leave and you never had anything to do with it.”

“Quinn and Rachel cheated because they thought Puck was better,” Finn murmured and Kurt wanted to jump in, tell Finn it wasn’t because Puck was better; it was the girls’ issues and Puck just happened to be there. “I can’t even watch TV without making a mess and ruining the carpet. I broke the kitchen window last week.”

“Those were accidents,” his dad spoke for the first time since coming into the room. Kurt was worried that his dad’s voice would cause Finn to retreat back to Carole’s shoulder but Finn turned his head to meet his dad’s eyes. “I’ve spilled a ton of stuff and Kurt’s thrown out a lot of my shirts because he won’t let me wear coffee stained shirts in public. And I was there for the broken window. It was Evans who threw the ball and Puckerman who didn’t catch it. You had nothing to do with it.”

“I invited them over,” Finn argued. He was determined to blame himself for everything.

Kurt wanted to reach out and shake his stepbrother by the shoulders, he wanted to scream out his frustrations into a pillow, he wanted to wrap his arms around Finn and never let go. How had they all missed Finn’s downward spiral? He just hoped Finn trusted them enough to let them pull him out of it.

*****

Kurt couldn’t believe everything that was coming out of Finn’s mouth. His stepbrother was talking as though he was worthless, as though he deserved all the pain he’d been through and more. Carole kept telling Finn that nothing was his fault but it was obvious she wasn’t getting through to him. To Kurt, it felt like a conversation they’d had time and time again.

“Honey, maybe we should give Dr. MacFarland a call,” Carole said.

Kurt knew that name. That was the name of one of the psychiatrists at the hospital, one that specialized in children. He’d had to talk to her when Ms Pilsbury brought him to the hospital to have his stomach pumped thanks to April Rhodes.

“Maybe,” Kurt was surprised Finn agreed so easily. He expected his stepbrother to argue that he didn’t need to see some shrink, that he was fine, even though it would obviously be a lie. “She was nice last time.”

Apparently Finn wasn’t done surprising him. Finn had seen a psychiatrist and had seen her long enough to trust her, at least that was what Kurt guessed from Finn’s willingness to talk to her about what he’d been hiding from them.

“I’ll call her office in the morning,” Carole promised. Their height difference should have made their position look uncomfortable and awkward but instead Finn looked so small, curled in his mother’s arms with Carole stroking his hair and occasionally placing a kiss on the top of his head. “I love you,” Kurt heard her add softly and he felt a pull in the bottom of his stomach. It was such an intense, private moment between the two and he was an intruder. He’d felt that way since Carole had first come into the room but he still couldn’t bring himself to leave.

Kurt had never really thought about everything Finn had been through in the past few years. There was a lot of good, positive changes that Finn had gone through but, now that Kurt thought about it, those changes came with some negative moments that everyone had ignored because he was Finn. Finn was always happy and ready with a smile at school. The few times it got too much for Finn, he’d lash out at someone. Kurt knew about the anger management issues, those were easy to see, but he’d completely missed the depression.

He felt like he let Finn down. If he’d just taken the time to listen during one of the moments he knew that Finn was trying to get his attention, maybe he could have prevented his breakdown. He could tell Carole felt guilty, it was all over her face, and he didn’t have to see his dad to know he also felt guilty. They’d failed Finn as a family.

“Honey, we’re safe here,” Carole broke Kurt out of his thoughts. Her words still didn’t look like they were getting through to Finn.

“That’s right,” his dad spoke again from behind him. Kurt noticed that this time Finn flinched at his dad’s voice, probably a reaction to his dad‘s firm tone. He’d noticed his stepbrother had a problem when adults spoke sternly or yelled, even when it wasn’t directed at him. “I meant every word I said that night in your kitchen. Remember?”

“Yeah,” Finn nodded. “I know you won’t hurt Mom.”

No one missed he hadn’t included himself.

“Finn, Kiddo, I would never hurt you either,” Kurt knew if he turned around, he’d see a pained look on his father’s face. He knew his dad still felt guilty about never getting Finn’s side of the story during their fight in the basement or during the Karofsky encounter. Both times his dad had eventually gotten the whole story and, while it didn’t change his opinion that Finn was in the wrong, he felt guilty for putting all the blame on Finn. Some days Kurt got the feeling Finn was just waiting for his dad to yell at him, or kick him out of the house, and now Kurt realized it was the truth.

“Okay.”

Finn didn’t sound convinced to Kurt but hopefully after a lot of talking and seeing that doctor again, they’d all be able to get Finn to see that he belonged with them. His dad wasn’t going to kick him out, Carole wasn’t looking for a better son, and Kurt was going to make sure to make time for their warm milk talks - even on the nights when Finn protested that he had plans. They were going to make their family work. They could fix it.


End file.
